Dude
by Elf Princess Bloom
Summary: Our loveable stars for some reason find themselves doing played out t.v. commercials. Includes Confusing!Harry, Angry!Ron Baywatch!Hermione, and some others.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything that has to do with Harry Potter, Dell, McDonalds, Verizon, K-mart and/or Joe Boxer, Baywatch, or the Coca Cola company.  
  
A/N: This is just something I wrote to take a break form the Harry/Draco fic... but only to cure writer's block! I'm almost done with chapter four. In the meantime, hope you find this amusing enough to leave a review.  
  
*Scene starts out with Harry standing in the middle of the sidewalk.*  
  
HARRY: Dude...  
  
*Audience waits expectantly for him to continue, but he simply walks off the stage.*  
  
*The t.v. channel flips to the front counter of a fast food restraunt. Suddenly struggling is heard in the backround and the camera shakes a bit. A blond haired boy is shoved out in front of it.*  
  
DRACO: *angrily* I will not have people see me dressed like some common servant! It's not fair, you wait until my father hears abou-  
  
PRODUCER GUY:The cameras are running.  
  
DRACO: *putting on a painfully happy face* We love to see you smile!  
  
CUSTOMER WHO IS ACTUALLY GINNY: *strolls up to the counter*  
  
DRACO: *through gritted teeth* May I take your order?  
  
GINNY: Lets see... I'm rather hungry today. What would you suggest?  
  
DRACO: *suddenly brightening at the prospect of an insult* Might I point you to the dollar menu? It is ideal for our less *cough* prosperous customers.  
  
GINNY: *exploding with anger* I'll make you regret that, ferret boy! *she jumps over the counter and attacks him*  
  
*The screen goes blank and the words 'technical difficulties' flash across it before the picture changes to a lovely mountain scene. A donkey is charging up a hill, Ron astride it, looking very frightened.*  
  
RON: *holding a cell phone to his ear and trying to talk as he bounces up and down* Can... you... hear... me... now?  
  
*The picture goes back to Harry, who is now sitting in the driver's seat of a red convertible parked at the curb and talking to a mailman.*  
  
HARRY: Dude...  
  
MAILMAN: What?  
  
HARRY: *sits back comfortably and speeds away, leaving the mailman in a cloud of car fumes.*  
  
*The next commercial opens in a room brightly lit with Christmas lights. Festive music is playing in the backround as Fred and George jump out wearing identical pairs of red boxer briefs, which scream 'JOE BOXER' the entire length of the waistband. They begin to dance madly and spin in circles before the scene cuts to a beach in the midst of sunrise. The words 'Bay Watch' scroll across the screen before the camera zooms in on Hermione, running through the water. Soon, however, her Hogwarts robes become soaked and she stumbles and falls.*  
  
*Fred and George run out, still in their boxer briefs carrying a life preserver between them*  
  
FRED AND GEORGE: *simultaneously* I'll save you!  
  
*They glare at each other*  
  
FRED: I'm going to save her!  
  
GEORGE: No! You always get to do everything! It's my turn...  
  
*They begin to fight over the life preserver as Hermione painstakingly crawls her way to dry land. Once she is able to stand again she marches over to Fred and George, rips the life preserver out of their hands, and begins to beat them with it.*  
  
*Ron is now standing in an elevator, getting ready to talk on his cell, when the door opens and a large crowd of people stream in, crushing him against the wall. They all begin talking as he picks up his cell phone again.*  
  
RON: Can you hear me now?  
  
PERCY'S VOICE FROM THE OTHER END: What?  
  
RON: *a little louder* Can you hear me now?  
  
PERCY: I can't hear you!  
  
RON: *now screaming* CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?  
  
PERCY: ...  
  
*Ron becomes violently angry, throws his phone to the floor and begins to stomp up and down, smashing it to pieces.*  
  
*The next commercial opens with Harry sitting a couch, sleeping. Draco is seated next to him, trying very hard not to stare at the huge bulge in Harry's pants, as a strange, hungry desire is growing in him.*  
  
CREEPY VOICE FROM ABOVE: Reward your curiosity.  
  
DRACO: *Looking around nervously* Who... who said that?  
  
VOICE: Thats not important. Just do what I say.  
  
DRACO: *shrugging* okay.  
  
*He lunges for Harry's zipper and miraculously manages to get it open without Harry waking up.*  
  
DRACO: *pulling out a Vanilla Coke* What the hell is this?  
  
VOICE: *proudly* Your reward!  
  
DRACO: This is all I get for reaching into Potter's pants?  
  
VOICE: *sounding confused* What did you expect?  
  
DRACO: *coughing* uh erm... nothing, this is splendid. *twists the cap on the Vanilla Coke*  
  
HARRY: *waking up suddenly at the sound of his precious beverage being opened* huh? wah happened? *looks at Draco sitting next to him, hiding something behind his back and staring up at the cieling.* Why... why are my pants undone?  
  
DRACO: It wasn't me! There was this badger... no, it was a Hufflepuff! Thats it... they came over, and started to undo your pants, and the whole time they were muttering somthing about either a human sacrife or large fluffy marshmallow sandwhiches, I couldn't tell which, but I poked them with a spoon and they ran away.  
  
HARRY: What happened to my drink?  
  
DRACO: Well, I think I deserve a reward after saving your manhood...  
  
HARRY: Hey! Give it back! You don't deserve anything, I still hate you!  
  
VOICE: NO NO NO! This is not what it's all about. When we at the Coca Cola company started this trend, we never meant for the magic to turn into tarnished waste material by the likes of you people! *takes human form as he walks out to them* Neither of you are getting paid for this!  
  
DRACO: We were going to get paid?  
  
HARRY: *walks up to the creepy voice who is now a very onry man* Dude...  
  
*Everyone waits expectantly, getting ready to form an angry mob should Harry fail to finish his sentance*  
  
VOCIE: What?  
  
HARRY: *pointing a finger at him and winking* You're gettin a Dell! 


End file.
